Thursday, September 29, 2016

Repugnant Review: Andre the Butcher (2005) - Philip Cruz

LESBO CHEERLEADERS, ESCAPED CONVICTS, HUMAN CHILI... RON JEREMY! If you're a fan of these various topics, then I think you'll enjoy ANDRE THE BUTCHER. This is what I consider a "high school classic", just one of those movies my friends and I watched constantly. Not that is was "really great" movie or anything, it's just fucking hilarious. ANDRE THE BUTCHER, is a 2005 sleazy slasher movie, written and directed by Philip Cruz, and starring none other than the Hung Hedgehog himself, Ron Jeremy. We follow a group of Cheerleaders on there way to a competition and get stranded a long the way. Since Cheerleaders are the brightest in these kind of films, they walk to a house they find in the middle of nowhere, and who owns this house your ask? Well, no shit, ANDRE THE BUTCHER. Let's discuss some of the hilarity that ensues in this ridiculous slasher flick.

When you see the cover to this movie, you're like, "Holy shit, this looks pretty nasty. Huge guy covered in blood holding a knife and cleaver, WHAT COULD GO WRONG?". I see this more as a comedy than anything else, and that's not a big issue. The reason this movie just works is mostly due to Andre himself. I thought Ron's acting was hilarious, as if he wasn't really taking the roll too seriously. ANDRE THE BUTCHER's mannerisms were the best part, especially this "touchdown" gesture he would make every time he would kill something. His silliness doesn't take away from the movie, because as funny as Andre can be, he is just as brutal. He spends most of the film stalking the Cheerleaders, but a couple of escaped convicts hold them hostage inside the butchers house. This movie is a little guilty in trying to cram in as many sub plots as it can, but at least they're small. We have the religious girl who's conflicted with her desires for other women, A chunky cheerleaders who's ashamed of her weight and likes the dude cheerleader, escaped convicts who actually aren't really bad dudes, a sheriff who's a major piece of shit... and comic relief, ANDRE THE BUTCHER. These boring little subplots are brilliantly broken up by Andre and his antics. If it weren't for Ron Jeremy, this movie wouldn't even be worth watching. He stole the show.

The effects were pretty great, especially for a low budget slasher like this. Lots of great dismembering gags, and just blood spraying all over the place. Every time so one gets slashed, a few gallons of blood are going to come rushing out. There was even a little scene where Andre picks a scab off of his arm and eats it, fucking gross, but awesome. There was even a really awesome scene of Andre jumping away from an exploding car. Bad. Ass. I know I've picked on the plot a bit, but all in all, it was a really fun movie. Hilarious, sleazy, bloody, and an over all decent movie. I'll post the trailer below, and let me know what you think. It'll probably be pretty cool seeing Ron Jeremy poke a chick on video with something other than his dick (THIS WON'T BE THE LAST MOVIE I REVIEW WITH MR. JEREMY IN IT).

- Jake.

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