Monday, May 30, 2016


You know a movie absolutely rules when the first line you hear is "I was born with seven clits". This movie floored me, and what movie would be better to review, especially for a blog that loves and searches for all that is repugnant. Directed by the great Frank Henenlotter, director and writer of such films as Basketcase, Frankenhooker, and Brain Damage. Seeing those movie before, I knew I was in for one hell of a ride, but this took it to a ridiculous level, and I mean ridiculous in the best way. To give you a brief synopsis before I start digging into this, here's what the dvd box said: "Driven by biological excess, a young man and woman search for sexual fulfillment, unaware of each other's existence. Unfortunately, they eventually meet, and the bonding of these two very unusual human beings ends in an explosive and ultimately over-the-top sexual experience, resulting in a truly god-awful love story..." Holy fuck... I should also mention that this movie has a hip hop soundtrack, composed by Grammy Award winner Prince Paul. Let's tear into this bad bitch and see what makes Bad Biology so fucking awesome.

The movie opens up with one of the main characters, Jennifer (played by Charlee Danielson), talking to the camera about her unique... uhhh... power. Her vagina is incredibly sensitive, and thrives on orgasms. She often calls her vagoo the "mutant puss" and considers herself a "female of the future who feeds on orgasms". Absolutely nuts. But it doesn't even stop there, it gets even more fucked up. She eventually picks up this biker gang kind of dude, and brings him back to her place. They begin to get into it, and I'll explain this in a bit, but she likes to take photos of her lovers while they fuck, and towards the end of this ridiculous sex scene, she bashes the guys head in during some crazy out of control orgasm. Here's where it gets insane. She runs to the fridge and begins to eat everything, and a minute later I thought she was having another orgasm, but I was wrong... Quick cut to her in the bathroom, sitting in the tub, and then she squirts out a screaming infant! It was all malformed, covered in tumors, and she throws it away after breaking the 4th wall and telling the audience it's none of their business. Holy shit! She has a crazy mutant seven-clit puss, and gives birth almost immediately after sex. Talk about a super power. One of the quotes from some of these scenes is incredible. After she gives birth to some mutant baby, she talks about how much she hates them, but then says "I love that something is alive pushing and kicking its way out of me. Sometimes it's better than cumming". Wow. That's wonderfully fucked up. Moments later we see Jennifer at her job. She's a photographer for some magazine, taking some very sexually driven photos involving some crack whore and a bum. One of the assistants goes to her bag to get something and sees her photos. She catches him and explains to him that they are pictures of her lovers in the middle of an orgasm (or getting killed). She calls her project "Fuck Face", and honestly the photos were pretty neat. Stitched together and distorted figures of men, either at a state of pleasure, or pain. Pretty cool concept.

Pretty incredible intro if you ask me, but let's talk about our Romeo, Batz. Batz (played by Anthony Sneed) is also some kind of sex mutant, but his mutation is completely man made. He explains his condition to an imaginary woman who appears on his TV screen, all the while his dick is stuck in a massive industrial pocket pussy. He explains that he got his dick cut off by accident after the doctor mistook it for his umbilical chord... yeah... But it was reattached, never to really work again. It wasn't until he was thirteen that he realized something was wrong. Complaining about not getting any boners he did everything he could to make his cock work. He eventually started injecting his dick with steroids and it started to work again, but after years of doing this, Batz's dick became it's own being, and started to go out of control. What the shit?! Anything to get it up, and then he turns it into this half monster, half microwaved hotdog looking thing. His mutant dick does have a power though. Any woman that Batz has sex with has an everlasting orgasm. They don't stop screaming. I won't say much more, because one particular scene needs to be mentioned before I get into more of his story.

I was wondering when these two characters were going to meet, but then I finally see how this works out. One of Jennifer's assistants stops by Batz's place, and then recognizes him from school after years of not seeing him. He manages to convince Batz to do a photoshoot at his house for some rappers, only if he gets payed though. This is where he gets more drugs for his cock. He stops by his dealers place and gets a back full of random pills and liquids. Funny thing is, these special medications and steroids were for animals, so when Batz tried them out his dick started going all nuts. There's even a scene where he has to duck tape his junk down to keep it from wagging around. We then go back to his house, where we see Jennifer taking photos of Vinnie Paz and Reef the Lost Cauze (two well known underground rappers), and a couple of models with vagina masks on their faces. If I was in a band, this would be the kind of photoshoot I would want to have. I thought the pussy face masks were fantastic, and I might try and find one after writing this. This is where the connection happens. After the shoot Jennifer goes back into Batz's house looking for her phone. While walking around she hears him struggling with something, and when she opens the door we finally see the tumorous python its self. Batz struggling with his dick, and screaming at her to get the fuck out. I mean if that was me, I'd be all sorts of disturbed, but she was turned on almost immediately. Later that night she even sneaks into his house and films everything in there, and this is where this shit gets turned up to eleven.

While she's filming his belongings and rolling around in his bed, he gets back home and brings back a hooker. The upcoming sex scene was pretty boring, but the aftermath was pretty hilarious. I think the scene lasts maybe two minutes, with the hooker losing her mind in some orgasmic frenzy, and Jennifer in the other room filming the entire thing. Batz gets nervous and thinks the new animal steroids are having a negative reaction, so he did whatever rational being would do when he has a hooker going into a cum coma... he dumps her in an ally. Jennifer then realizes that he is the perfect match, and that he's the only one that can truly satisfy her "mutant puss". And this my friends, is where this leads to the incredibly fucked up finale. The next night we see Batz sleeping in bed, and then suddenly his dick starts to move. Then we get a first person shot of his dick slipping out of bed. At first I thought it was stretching out or something, but it actually detached itself from Batz body. His mutant cock then starts going house to house, banging random babes, and putting them into orgasmic comas. This montage lasts awhile, and it just shows the cock busting through the floor boards and entering these freaked out chicks. Pretty silly to say the least. Jennifer comes over after Batz realizes his dick is missing, and is distraught to find out that Batz couldn't make love to her. They both hear a thud coming from the back room, and Jennifer finds his dick, dying. Batz says it's dying from withdrawal, and tries to keep Jennifer from saving it. She even gives the tip mouth to mouth... laughed pretty hard at that. After a small scuffle with Batz, she knocks him down, and injects his dick with more steroids, bringing it back to life. Can you see where this is leading to? Well the detached cock makes it way into Jennifer, where she has this crazy orgasm and proclaims that she is being fucked by God. Moments later she wakes up, Batz is dead, the cock falls out of her and it dies, then she falls to ground, screams, and dies... they all die. Well, besides the mutated cock baby that she births at the end. Jesus fuck, that was one hell of a movie.

Bad Biology is a fucking wild ride. Mutated sex organs, violent deaths, abortions... everything a repugnant sicko like me goes for. I mean the movie does have its cons. The acting isn't that great, and they way they finally got connected was pretty forced. But all in all it was just a great little movie. It was everything you'd expect out of a Frank Henenlotter movie too, because it's basically a mixture of Basketcase, and Frankenhooker, everything to the weird mutated cock with a mind of its own, to the silly body horror of disfigured sex organs. I recommend this movie to those who aren't sexually sensitive, because 90% is sex, and it's all ridiculous and gross. So if you're into some pretty nasty mutant and gore filled sex scenes, this is for you. I'll post a link for the trailer, and where you can buy the film. Enjoy!

- Jake


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